A separation is a tragic moment. The good news is that sometimes we can prevent it from happening. We explain how to make the bond that binds you to your girl is lasting.
We do not understand it. Everything seemed perfect. We had not noticed any sign that made us presage the catastrophe , however, one day our partner tells us that he can not take it anymore, that enough is enough. Worse still, it can happen that he does not even tell us anything and when we return after a trip or a long day of work we find empty drawers and an immense space in the home that will cost us a world to fill it up again.
Out of the shock that implies that such a situation happens in an unforeseen way, the most unsettling thing is not understanding the whys : we helped her when she asked, we cared for her, we showed ourselves available and kind to her at all times.
We try to call her and she does not pick up the phone or she answers with evasiveness, we investigate her profile in social networks to find clues about a third person, we ask her friends or a relative, we look for signs of a depression, of a problem that we did not want to trust … All in vain. We know we have to start a new life , but without answers that are transparent we lack a remedy that allows us to heal wounds and put the necessary end point to a stage that we have to leave behind.
The life of a couple is as complex as the members that compose it and the reasons for a break are only known by those who have spent many months or even years together in company. However, the marriage consultant Justice Schanfarber tries to offer men a formula based on their experience to warn about the trigger that drives most relationships to their failure: women leave us because they feel we are not present .
They love us, but they abandon us
The conclusion is tragic, since the rupture may have nothing to do with love . Our girlfriend or wife can continue to love us, she still admires us, she considers us wonderful parents, but if she feels that we are not there, she can understand that the bond that united us is somehow broken .
It is not a matter of evil , there are no feelings behind revenge . It is not a question of being a correct or unfair decision . The resolution for them can be even terrible, it destroys them inside, but the women come to decide for an action as well as a vital impulse impossible to elude.
All men are subjected to an intense conflict consisting of knowing how to reconcile our personal time , necessary to develop as individuals, with the hours that have to be shared with our soulmate , fundamental for our emotional stability. That the first priority over the second may be a consequence of considering our girlfriend or our wife as something that is in our lives for granted.
Unconsciously we neglect the most important person because it is as if that part is already complete, forgetting that the couple is never a goal , but a project that is built over time and evolves. Conceiving this way our companion implies understanding it as a property, so that by possessing it (symbolically, it is understood) we abandon the task of having to earn it every day. We need to understand that the times in which we are with someone still have many points in common with the initial stages of courtship and conquest.
If you are reading this article, you do not have excuses , you can not shield yourself from the fact that nobody had warned you.
It is necessary, therefore, to know how to act, to know how to protect ourselves before it is too late. Schanfarber is clear about the main need of women. They want to be heard and know that you are there when they share what they feel
This is perhaps the most delicate moment , the one that we must know how to identify, because it is not worth isolating and assenting as if nothing, pretending that we are paying attention to his words. The thing is not to support their ideas either and even worse is to play the role of devil’s advocate . Men also tend to understand that someone is addressing us as if asking us for a solution , a gross error.
We emphasize again the key: listen to it and feel our presence. If we notice that our mind moves away, a good strategy is to try to look him in the eyes for a long period, eye contact is a good way to find a connection with the other person .
When we caress our partner, let’s do it using all our sense of touch . Let’s concentrate on the sensation that appears in our hands. Let’s ask ourselves what we experience, what happens to us inside when performing such a simple action, but so essential.
When, of course, the moment of greatest intimacy arrives, superficial sex understood as a process of the relationship is not valid . Sex is the best occasion to demonstrate our existence to the other , both from the physical and psychological levels. With sex the two people accept each other in a very deep way to the point that our apparently most dirty and shameful parts, our most unusual desires , our monsters, are legitimized .
And if life does not offer us much time, let us leave aside the pompous ceremonies, the expensive dinners, the movie plans. Five minutes of full intensity are enough. Five minutes to completely open our soul to the other person, without the appearance of judgments that distort that brief, but deep, period of union. Established as a custom, this practice can become a beneficial drug that points out and emphasizes every day the bond and agreement that holds us together so that it never breaks.